I remember that day when I got out of the shower and looked at myself. The fat, the stretchmarks, all of those things I hated. Suddenly realizing it was me. The person who was supposed to protect myself, did this. Me. This body, the perfect machine that moves me, which carries me through life, and I failed to treat it the way it deserves.
I felt sorry for that, but also very angry. If it was a real conversation it may have sounded like this:
Me: Hey Body, you don’t look good at all. Why can’t you look like I want you to?
Body: You did this to me. Remember each time I said I’m not hungry anymore and you kept eating this food?
Me: I guess I didn’t hear that. Why didn’t you say it louder?
Body: You never heard. You never even tried listening. All those times you gave me food, it rarely was even the right food. I screamed that I don’t like it, I made your stomach ache, I made your skin bad, I tried every possible way for you to notice and you never did!
Me: And what about when you were hungry? I ate and ate and you kept telling me to eat more.
Body: You gave me food that didn’t have any nutrients for me, I wanted real fuel to build myself so I can work for you better, but you just fed me with very unhealthy “foodlike products” which made me feel even worse.
Me: So what are you trying to say here? That it is all my fault?
Body: Well, kinda. I really hope you would listen to me, but you were just focusing on being mad at me that I don’t look the way you expected. Why do you even want me to look a certain way? Am I not good enough for you otherwise? I am the only body you have and I am doing my best to carry you around even when you make me heavy, tired and aching. I am keeping you alive!
Me: I am so sorry for that. Now I see that I failed you. You carried me through my life and I failed to treat you right and take care of your needs. I was supposed to be there for you and I never did. I promise things will change now. So glad we had this conversation! How can we reverse it all?
Body: We can’t reverse anything. I don’t have undo buttons all over me. We can move forward and this time, make it in a right direction.
Me: So what do we need to do?
Body: Let’s start with you listening to me. And maybe you should learn a bit about what’s good for me. If you’re not sure you can always ask me, it is important we start talking.
Me: Ok, I will do my best from now on.
And that’s how things started to get better. Of course I made mistakes, forgot to listen sometimes, but that was the start. The understanding that my body and I are in the same team, working together. Loving my body unconditionally, because I am the most important person to love it. Realizing I matter. And that is why I should treat myself with the most love and care possible. Because I matter.
You matter too!
“Loving yourself isn’t about buying products that are supposed to make you feel better. It is about believing you deserve the best and giving yourself the care you truly deserve”.
In this picture: me, hiking and making the most of my wonderful body for the first time (a long long time ago…)