When I started training I was very big. I remember those moments of making a decision to get a gym membership. I was afraid. Afraid that everyone else there is probably fit and gorgeous (well, if you consider the stereotypic ‘beauty ideal’ as gorgeous) and I’m like over a hundred kilos (16+ stones) of a human and not matching this ‘gorgeousness’ at all. Also not in a good physical shape, so ‘fat and out of breath’ I was sure people were going to laugh at me. I made that decision because it seemed better than working out at home (at home you’ve got to much stuff to do so you’re not really working out). Also the gym was a better alternative to working out outside, where it felt even weirder because there are a lot more people there that aren’t even working out. And it sure was better than not working out at all.
So, here I was signing myself to the gym. At first, I was feeling really anxious so I tried to find the hours that the gym is empty. When I went for a walk outside, I also did it only late at night or early mornings. Wore the baggiest clothes I could possibly find. Even haven’t really told anyone that I’m trying to get fitter and move more, I was too embarrassed.
Why does this feel that way? Well, one of the reasons is that you don’t really see a lot of overweight or unfit people training in public. The whole fitness ‘trend’ (which I totally hope will stay trendy forever and everyone will get a lot more active and healthy) is advertised in a way that makes you feel not part of it if you don’t look a certain way. I mean, fitness is for athletes, right? That, plus a not-that-high self-esteem makes us think we don’t deserve being there, being seen. If we’re not perfect, we must hide it, so in case of fitness and training we just hide ourselves.
Understanding that, led to a big mind-set change for me. Noticing that more and more people like me are around made me feel inspired. Seeing progress and having others notice it was also a big discovery for me. But the most important was realizing that I can inspire others, because if they see me, maybe they will see that they deserve not to hide as well.
From this point I decided to be nothing but proud. And I was. I started believing that I deserve not to hide myself, to train wherever and whenever I’m comfortable. And if someone for any reason talks of laughs, then it’s not my problem. I have a place in this world and I deserve to be here without apologizing. And so do you! You are important, you matter! This world belongs to you as much as this world belongs to other people (and animals.. and plants <3)
*In the picture me, fat, starting to have fun in public and OMG, jogging outside!
Now, put on whatever clothes you’re comfortable to move in and give your body the best workout you can. See ya there
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